Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Paper Edition of Burden Kansas Out

I have three manuscripts for Burden Kansas. I’ve got the html, which makes my beautiful Kindle and B&N files. I’ve got the smashwords .doc file, which I loathe. I’ve got the createspace paper book formatted .doc file. At some point, some corrections in the html didn’t migrate over to the smashwords .doc, which is what I used to make the createspace .doc. Unfortunately, I only found that out after receiving the first Burden Kansas proofs. So I had to fix the problems, wait for it to process, order a new proof and approve it. ANYWAY...

A paper edition of Burden Kansas is now available for $7.99. Createspace makes a really nice product. Burden Kansas looks just like something you’d get in a bookstore, except with better cover art. It’s trade paperback sized, 140 pgs, and eligible for supersaver shipping, which has often been a deal-maker or breaker for me.


I’ve apparently been sending too many vampire related emails, because a recent ad at the top of my gmail invited me to check out Date Vampires, a vampire dating website. I don’t like this whole idea.

Not because they’re too dark and intense for me.

Not because you’re more likely to find a serial killer and get serial killed. You’re more likely to find someone who wishes they were a serial killer, sure.

But because I don’t think anything should make it easier for these super nerds to meet and breed. (Actually, I don’t care, but sometimes you have to pretend to have an opinion or it’s hard to say anything.)

They have three gender categories: Vampire Chicks, Vampire Girls, and Vampire Guys. At a cursory glance I don’t know what the difference between a chick and a girl is. If it turns out one group is for trannies, that’s gonna be pretty embarrassing to have not noticed.

I don’t want to beat up on nerds. I’m just going to provide some profile snippets, and let you make of them what you will:

“I am a true Vampire (not to be confused with Hollywood's depiction of such). However you can also call me a musician, a philosipher, and a scholar.”

“im 5'9, black hair, brown eyes, im fairly certain ima clinical vampyre as i feel weak and shake horribly if i dont get blood inside me, i have glasses cause of an accident when i was little, i like to cut myself for pleasure...”

“i like reading and wrighting poems and storys. i am really into vampires. a lot of people says i ijinx stuf all the time caise iam always saying stuf is going to happen befor it dous”

“Generally I'd like to meet anybody positive. So if you're not a complete negative asshole who only knows how to drag people down, I'd like to meet you.”

Okay, I do have to wonder if this last person is being purposefully ironic. God I hope not. As Baudrillard said, "There is no aphrodisiac like innocence."


  1. Maybe vampire chicks have wings...?

    That was terrible. Forgive me. :P

    I don't know if I can bring myself to actually check out this site! So much funny but so much scary in one place.

    Also- Congrats on the paperback!

  2. Thanks, Jenny!

    Maybe we're like the humans in vampire novels who don't realize that true vampires walk among them because they don't want to know, because they can't handle it.

  3. I don't this vampire dating thing would work here in the UK - apparently to foreigners we have to maintain this Hugh-Grant-alike image at all times, and it would be hard to maintain with plastic halloween teeth in our mouths.

    Congratulations on going physical with Burden Kansas.

  4. Now, Alan, don't lump those vampire wannabes in with nerds. For one thing, we nerds usually know how to spell brilliantly. And our ads are most likely to tout our immense collections of Star Wars comics or LOTR figurines, and how many digits of pi we can recite for you on our first date.

    (I can only recite 3.1415926, a fact from which I tend to take comfort.)

  5. See, I knew that "nerd" wasn't correct, because it implies intelligence. "Geek" was the first term that came to mind, because it originally didn't. It meant someone without normal social graces, and came from the people who bit the heads off of animals at carnival sideshows. But for some reason, nerds have decided to appropriate the term "geek," so what's left? Dweeb? That has no impact! I understand the distinction you're drawing, I'm just not sure what to do about the situation.

  6. Well, redneck comes to mind. Idiot. Yes, I think I like that one: idiot.