Friday, August 26, 2011

Movie Reviews! Troma: from Bad Bad to Good Bad

Before we discuss movies, some business. I understand that August is the worst sales month for books. Boy, do I now understand this. I understand it a little too well.

It can't be the weather keeping people outside doing fun activities away from their books and e-readers, because it's been the most miserable August ever, with 100+ temperatures every day. Kansas is getting more and more like Hell as time passes, such that soon the Devil will begin to send the sinners here and then I guess things might get interesting. Because right now it's like Hell, but full of a bunch of self-righteous Puritans (did you know I grew up in a dry county? Did you know that dry counties are real?!?!), which is way worse than real Hell. If you're going to suffer, you might as well suffer in good company, right?

Anyway, since it's not the weather, I guess books don't sell in August because the kids are home and they're so loud and annoying and needy and whiny and they won't give you a single goddamn second to think!

NOW THOSE STUPID KIDS ARE BACK IN SCHOOL SO IT'S TIME FOR A BACK-TO-SCHOOL SALE TO CELEBRATE THEM BEING GONE YAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!

Replace your newfound peace and quiet with the noise that's constantly inside my head, for the low price of $0.99 per ebook at Amazon for the next week. Click here and now, yo. And if you know anyone who might like my work but was put off by the prohibitive costs, maybe let them know?



Let's discuss two Troma movies that I've recently watched, each representing one extreme of Troma's history and quality.

Surf Nazis Must Die

If you love bad horror, you know Troma. I love bad horror. And yet, I've avoided watching Surf Nazis Must Die. Somehow, though I've been embarrassed about this obvious deficiency in my horrible horror repertoire, I've also avoided the easy fix of just watching the movie. And I like Troma quite a bit. So deep down, I must have known.

Well, I knew it was going to be bad. I mean, that's what I wanted, right? It's Troma. But it's got surfing and Nazis, and those surfing Nazis must die! I mean, look at that amazing cover.

So how is the movie so damn boring? It was so boring that I would have stopped it, except that I figured I'd better just get it over with. Ugh.


Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead

But I come bearing tidings of good news and great joy: Troma's salvation has arisen from the grave, or rather the fryer. Heralds on high trumpet the arrival of Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead, the most amazingly terrible horror movie you could ever hope to see. It's both self-consciously satirical and endearingly sincere. I don't know how that's possible, but there it is. It's one of the grossest, most playful, most offensive, most bestest movies I've ever seen. It's so undeniably fantastic that not even the stuffiest critics can hate on it. Check the reviews here and note praise from such publications as The New York Times, NPR and Variety.

Or even better, go rent it now!

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