Friday, January 6, 2012

Movie Reviews!

Credits roll. We discover that Proteus is based on a novel entitled Slimer.

Seriously? Slimer?

What does a novelist do when he needs to concentrate on his new novel? He finds a haunted house to hole up in. I swear that the haunted house subgenre of horror has its own sub-subgenre of authors seeking out haunted houses to use as writing retreats.

One of the most potent inducers of horror is the uncanny. Just look at some of the highest scoring movies here on  Movies like YellowBrickRoad and Antichrist tap into the sense of unease we all feel when logic collapses. This is the horror that Lovecraft gave us, the horror of the darkness between the stars and gods who crush you in passing rather than in malice (or even in-tentionally).

The uncanny is what Dawning aimed for, and what it missed. But I have to give them points for trying.

Phones have never worked in horror movies unless the killer needs them to work (usually to call and taunt the survivor girl). In the golden age, the killer needed only cut the line. Besides eliminating the possibility of backup arriving, this is also a great way to get people to leave the house or otherwise isolate themselves.

Then along came the mobile phone.

The old lady’s nephew is a skeptic, so he totally doesn’t care that his aunt is dead! Because “skeptic” means “total dick”.

Weekly Wrasslin’ Notes
-Why is Sheamus a face for celebrating his Irish heritage while Mahal is a heel for celebrating his Indian heritage? Oh yeah, because WWE is still racist as hell.

-They really need to split the talent between Smackdown and Raw. Travelling to two cities and wrestling twice a week is too much. If you want to know why wrestlers are always dying from pain killers and steroids, this is why.

-I miss Ric Flair chops. Sheamus' beating of the Miz on Raw reminded me of them.

-I am seriously underwhelmed by the ultimate reason for the creepy-kid promos. And it doesn't make sense. Jericho isn't a monster.

-I can't believe Kane tried to pull Zack Ryder down into Hell with him. So goofy. SO AWESOME!

-The pairing of Eric Young and ODB is the best tag team in wrestling today.

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