Friday, January 13, 2012

Movie Reviews!

Cut to a classic road trip intro, with a pack of attractive young college kids crammed into an SUV. Popped collars and long, tendril-y blond hair fill the frame, and frat chants fill the ears (“You’re either Omega Beta or a freak!”), when there’s a near wreck. At this point, I would normally assume they’d all died or gone into comas and the rest of the film, while resembling this reality, was really them facing their fates in the afterlife. However, I’d heard that Tucker & Dale vs. Evil was a good movie.

As a horror fan, you’re an idiot with the attention span of a squirrel on meth. At least, that’s the opinion of the major movie studios. And the indie movie studios. And everyone else.

The problem is that horror movies tend to start slowly.

It can’t be denied that there is something especially disturbing about portrayals of true crime. Some filmmakers rely solely upon that shock factor, though, and besides the subject matter, their films falls flat. Dear Mr. Gacy is a solid story portraying the way an intelligent sociopath works, and would be a good movie even if Mr. Gacy were a fictional character, which unfortunately isn’t the case.

Appetite is categorized under “Horror Movies” and “Supernatural Horror Movies”. It’s purportedly about a haunted hotel room. Given that, why have I let it sit in my queue for months? I must have sensed that Appetite isn’t really a horror movie. Ugh.

As I write my week's movie reviews, I watch the previous week's wrasslin', and take my
Weekly Wrasslin' Notes!

-Cody Rhodes / Booker T match was great. Love Book's reversals.

-Okay, little person wrestling is one thing, I guess, if that's what they want to do. Not my thing. But Hornswaggle can't wrestle, so why is this happening.

-Why is the WWE set on cramming Wade Barrett down our throats? He's not impressive.

-"Santino is a master of MMA, he was telling me earlier. 'Marella Martial Arts.'"

-I'm glad Kane is back. I think he's one of the only monsters who can speak and stay a monster. But they've got him talking WAY too much.

-All of Brodus Clay's promo was as a monster. Then he emerges as the somewhat effeminate "Funkosaurus". Wut?

-Jericho's non-talking schtick is the worst ever. First of all, he talks, he just won't talk into a mic. I can hear him shouting through the announcers' mics. That makes no sense. Secondly, it's boooooring. I hope WWE realized this as he struggled to get any reaction whatsoever out of the crowd, until he began to leave without speaking or wrestling, at which point he was booed.

-"Dolph Ziggler can say, 'I can beat John Cena standing on my head.'"

-I lurv Bully Ray, even more than when he was Bubba Dudley.

-Ric Flair is genuinely nuts.WHOOOOO!

-Taz in regards to Zema Ion: "I think I just saw his areola fly through the sky."

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